there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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