my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
