can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
