we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
