Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
