I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
