yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
