Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
