You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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