It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
