I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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