I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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