oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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