Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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