I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I party with great urgency now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
