I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
