If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
