dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
