The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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