what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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