I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
