We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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