While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
