you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
