I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
