About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
