tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
