Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
