You work out of a Hotel?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize