Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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