dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
