So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
