anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
