My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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