you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
