I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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