Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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