wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
