I am puke
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
