Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
