I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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