but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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