ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your cock deserves a montage
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
