Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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