I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
