that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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