I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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