John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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