I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
