I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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