i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
