True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
