Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
