at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
