But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
