I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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