Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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