I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
