i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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