if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize