just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
