census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
this is an emotional support booty call
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
