It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
