But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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